Holy Shenanigans! More STUFF?
Loosing one's business due to lack of personal control is a sad thing. I've watched many people do just that. Recently, a friend told me that her only money is in her business account and she's been using it rather freely. The business is losing money. It's going under, because it can not support itself. She has another income, but she's not living within her means.
So, what is she buying with 'her money'? Frivolities, unnecessary trivialities, and 'bargains'. She and I have discussed the 'bargains' she buys. She's got more STUFF than any ten people NEED, and she still buys because it makes her 'feel good'. The fact of the matter is, she owns a big old building completely full of 'STUFF' she refuses to 'sell' because it's got personal value, and it's important to her, but the roof is falling in on the building, pigeons are in the building pooping on all of her prized possessions, so she buys more 'STUFF' to solve the problem. Ten dollar swimming pools to keep the rain from dripping onto her antique furniture and collectibles, plastic to cover them. Meanwhile the mice are eating through the upholstery and gnawing through the antique woods.
The reason she does this – is it provides her with emotional 'security'. As long as she has 'STUFF' she has 'security', she thinks. In the mean while, she's working at a job to support her 'STUFF' habit, and losing her business, because she's wasting the money from her 'business', instead of using it to build a business that would eventually support her – if she did not have all that 'STUFF' draining her income. She does not have security; she has 'STUFF' being ruined by the frivolous manner in which she is spending her money.
To say she is eccentric, actually only gives credence to her behavior. The fact of the manner is, she does not have the money to be eccentric. She has 'STUFF' which is not going to get her anywhere, because her 'STUFF' is not appreciating, it's getting ruined. She has friends, but she does not listen to them, she has to have her 'STUFF'. I'm actually afraid my friend is going to be a lonely old person taking care of her 'STUFF' because she just can not quite realize that she needs to build relationships with people, and let go of her 'STUFF'.
One time, I even ask her about 'friends' and she responded she does not have anyone she can trust. I can understand why. She's worked her entire life to develop a relationship with her 'STUFF'. I consider her a friend, and I have gone the extra mile to make our friendship work. I wonder sometimes at my dedication to the friendship – because sometimes I feel like I'm working toward a dead end. Particularly when it comes to her business. I worked for nothing at times while I attempted to help her get her business up and running. I felt eventually it would be worth something to her. But, she feels if she buys me 'stuff' she's somehow making it worth my time to help her. Her values are misplaced, and her priorities are dysfunctional.
The saddest thing is, she's filling up her business with her 'STUFF' and when she looses the business, and she will loose her 'STUFF' too. Then what will she do? Her 'STUFF' is not taken care of, it's just stashed there, taking up space and losing value.
Every time I see her, I want to scream, "Holy Shenanigans, MORE STUFF!" But, I do not think she would understand the problem – EVEN then !!!
Copyright (c) 2005 – Jan Verhoeff